Now that you are here....

For five months we lived in separate continents, you lived your life and i lived mine with a short cross over each day online.
We survived and got to know each other inside out through msn, skype, expensive phone calls and texts. Since you arrived my laptop, my phone and this blog have become virtually obsolete. Instead of sending you a text first thing in the morning to tell you to have a great day i now kiss you softly on the lips when we wake up...side by side.
Instead of being glued to my laptop posting you videos and comments on facebook i am able to chat with you face to face, to listen to music with you relaxing on my bed.
The past two weeks have been the most amazing of my life.
Thank you for being here and thenk you for being you!!

I LOVE YOU J!!
<3

quotes

"The aim of love is to love: no more, no less." oscar wilde

"For what is Truth? In matters of religion,it is simply the opinion that has survived. In matters of science, it is the ultimate sensation. In matters of art, it is one's last mood." oscar wilde

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love" jane austen

"Is there no way out of the mind" sylvia plath

"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." Virginia Woolf

"And by the way, everything in life is writeable about is you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity id self-doubt." sylvia plath

"All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages." william shakespeare

An epic year!!

Today as a I celebrate another birthday i cannot help but be pensive as a look back over the past year and at how much my life has changed since I last celebrated my birthday!
Firstly I have completed another year of college a task I was sure I would not complete, how ever I am proud to say that I did succeed and finished my second year of university!
This past year saw me embark on two of the most amazing and life changing adventures of my whole life.
This first of these epic adventures took place last august as I boarded a plane in the company of my dear cousins to venture to the far off land of Mexico. The furthest I have ever traveled the journey which took 20 hours in total were the most nerve wrecking of my life. I was excited and nervous about landing in a land which i knew very little about and meeting the people who I knew so much about but did not know in person. Little did i know that once i stepped foot on Mexican land my life would never be the same!
During the five weeks which followed, I partied hard, made some amazing friends, discovered who i truly am and met the love of my life but was completely oblivious to this fact!
I extended my trip and I was heart broken when I eventually took to the skies to return to the emerald isle, Ireland.
I came home and I was greeted by my old life and it confused me greatly, the template which I had left behind no longer fitted my life, I was happy, I was more confident and I was secure in myself.
I struggled for a while but my life was expanding through a friendship which was blossoming online. This friendship quickly grew into something more which matched the feeling growing in my heart and fitted perfectly with my plans as I had just bought plane tickets to fly to Mexico again as a surprise gift!
I once again flew thousands of miles and felt a sense of relief when I landed. The surprise was epic and the six amazing days i got to enjoy with my girlfriend were even better!!
This year I went on two huge adventures abroad, I climbed a pyramid, got drunk on a boat, got high on a roof, i made some amazing friends and i fell in love with you,Jess and with life.
I'm confident in the fact that this next year which starts today is going to be just as amazing as the one which just ended!! and I am excited to start my new adventures as a happy more centred girl, completely in love and ready to experience everything life has to offer!!

Revelation

This morning, moments ago I had a revelation of sorts.
For the past 3 or 4 days I have been holding my emotions so tightly to prevent descent into panic, finally this morning I let go, realising that in order to stay far from the hands of panic I do not need to hold myself tightly in a cocoon of fear and anger and determination, I simply need to relax, breathe and enjoy the good things in life like the fact that my beautiful and amazing girlfriend will be here with me in exactly 4 weeks.
So now as I write this i breathe a sigh of relief accompanied by an apology to you my darling, and apology for any moment in the past few days when i have been awkward, or tense or difficult to talk to. I apologise and promise that from now on I wont be any of those things. You are my angel and I am so lucky to have you and to love you, so stay with me as we fight through the panic, our love and happiness will just wash over the panic.
I love you my princess, never forget that.

....

Epic 21st birthday party, I love my friends and family.

R.I.P Mr Gerry Ryan, a legend and a friend has departed from this world but the memories will forever remain.

Dear Mr.Panic...Fuck You!

"Time in the hand is not control of time"

As I stood at the bus stop this morning with my music playing in my ears I tuned into the visual things occurring around me. Every single morning i stand at the same bus stop with a school boy and a pregnant woman who always wears a pink coat. These small details are picked up without very much observation but as I was standing at the bus stop today I observed my fellow bus stop inhabitants and the people driving past in their cars.
Curiously I looked to my right to observe the school boy standing about 7 or 8 feet away form me. I noticed his lips moving but there was nobody there to hear his words. I paused my ipod mid song and listened to the sound which emerged from this boys mouth and I realised he was singing at the top of his voice and he didn't seem to care! I smiled to myself and held in a laugh as I must say this was quite a strange practise to witness at a bus stop at 7:45 in the morning!
I turned my attention next to the lady sitting across the road at the other bus stop. She sits there every morning in a pink coat and navy trousers. I noticed this morning that in the past 4 months I have never once seen her smile. I often wonder where she goes and what she does, there is a certain sense of mystery associated with the pink lady, the choir boy is simply going to school.
As I focused once again on my music another rather hilarious sight crossed my eye line, a fully grown man cycling a child's bicycle wearing a bright red jumper and gardening gloves, what an odd combination in my mind.
The bus arrived shortly afterwards and I got on and sat in my usual seat as I do every morning and I began to think about a topic a discussed with my girlfriend last night, the ever-present issue of time!
Time has become a weight around many of our necks as we all race towards something forgetting to slow down and take in the little details like the colour of a ladies coat or the size of a bicycle which passes us. Instead we are all striving to accomplish things in our lives by a certain age, we set all of these deadlines and for what? So we can enjoy a sense of accomplishment? What use is a sense of accomplishment if it is coupled with a sense of regret, regret that you didn't travel, regret that you never played guitar in an awesome rock band, that you never sang in front of a room full of crazed fans! What use is the huge house and the perfect family and car and money if you missed out on life and the best experiences that is has to offer.
Today I was preoccupied with time and I realised suddenly that having said all of these things I too am preoccupied with time, can we ever escape the ravages of time? Would the world be in complete chaos if we abandoned the age old tradition of time keeping? Probably but shouldn't we use our time wisely and experience all of the joys life has to offer in our own time not in a race of time with society.

Je t'aime

Shades of colour I never knew existed,
Images of beauty, powerful enough to render me speechless,
An undiscovered symphony, for you and I to hear.
My muse, my inspiration, my reason to live,
You are all of these and more,
You are the wish I once made on a shooting star.
My eyes have been opened to the beauty of this world,
You look at me and I know what I have found,
A soul mate,a lover, a best friend, three intertwined.
The sun shines brighter when you are around,
You kiss me and me feet leave the ground,
Your love permeates through my skin, I can feel you within.
Thank you for giving me the key to your heart,
Trust, commitment, feeling, we wont ever part,
Stay by my side until the sun descends,
make love to me sweetly, never let these feelings end,
You have completed me, you were my missing part,
Whisper softly, hear my beating heart,


You inspire the greatness of life and its true beauties in my heart, thank you for being you and for loving me.
You are my angel, and I am forever yours.

Eres Todo Para Mi

I am sitting here with your notebook resting on my chest. It is just close enough for me to smell your scent every time I breathe. Breathing you in.
This book is precious, each page contains a piece of our story, of our love and with every turn of a page i can feel the love that you put into this little pink book.
The Drawings are on my wall beside my bed so that even though you are not here I can look at them each day when a wake up and they are a constant reminder that in 8 weeks I will be waking to see your beautiful face next to mine.
Each time your scent fills my head i become intoxicated, with memories, with feelings, remembering those mornings getting ready together, watching you, observing, kissing, touching. These memories cause my heart to race, the pace quickening as you permeate through all of my other thoughts. The intensity with which you have touched my life has changed my heart, my mind, my soul. I am no longer a single being, I am part of you, and you part of me. Our souls have merged and our hearts have synchronized.
Last night through a screen I experienced one of the most intense emotional moments of my life. A moment that I could only share with you.
Receiving this package today combined with that moment yesterday as made me even more certain, if that is possible,that you are the one for me, you are my one.
This summer is going to be one filled with fun, laughter, love and revelations. A new phase to our ever growing love.
I love you J, forever in my heart, you are my everything, with you i feel safe and strong. You are my reason, my gift from the stars.
Welcome to our epic love, infinite together.
Te amo mi amor, eres todo para mi.

Dreaming of You

I sit and watch the world go by,
Thinking purely of only the things which catch my eye,
A young couple holding hands
And suddenly I miss you.

I remember how your soft skin feels,
The rhythm of your breathing, all of those appeals,
The rules of attraction, love, longing, lust,
Being with you is my only must.

The world around me begins to spin,
It washes away like paint in the rain,
The colours merge as the figures blur,
A sudden bright light and you are here.


I rise slowly, sure I am now deep in a dream,
I step forward towards you to check if you are real,
I know my imagination has gone into overdrive,
I couldn't care less, you are here, you are mine.

You extend your arms and pull me close,
My heart has stopped beating my eyes are closed,
You touch my face and kiss my lips,
I am in heaven, eternal bliss.

My heart, my soul, my body are all yours,
Your scent it fills my head and I am free,
In your loving arms I want to stay,#
This daydream is one which I hope wont fade away.

I open my eyes and the world returns,
The walls become solid and words can now be heard,
Figures rebuild as my mind recuperates,
Dreaming of you makes me feel infinite, great!

In nine weeks time my dreams will come true,
The distance, the space, the time will fall away leaving just me and you,
To have you, to hold you, to kiss you everywhere,
I ma ready baby, here is my life, ours forever to share.

Te amo mi vida

tick tock..tick tock...

This week i had many strange dreams, of far off lands, of lost friends, of nightmarish situations. These dreams provided me with a door to past memeories, to recurring dreams which once haunted me. Dreams which always take place in unusual localities, in vivid colour, containing images my mind does not want to forget.
Through these pensive thoughts on dreams of past and present i began to think of the actual process of thinking, how it is a process which does not cease until our hearts stop until life has escaped from our bodies.
Even in a sort of paralysis also known as sleep we are in a mode of thinking. When we have vivid dreams our eyelids flicker, our brains are active. When we awaken from our 'peaceful' nights sleep we are immediately thinking, trying to remember our nights adventures in the land of nod.
Some of us of course have brains which are constantly thinking but when do we get a break when can we just switch off?? for some people they find the solace of a thoughtless mind at the bottom of a bottle,in mind altering substances, in the cut of a blade, but many of us are on a constant journey of thought. We are never released from the coils of thought with which our brains our bound, so do we have to cease to exist to have a quiet mind?
procrastination has produced many of the worlds most earth shattering philosophies,the most breathtaking art, so of the most melodic music and has also drove many to the brink of sanity, can we stop our thoughts do we possess that power or must we simply remain in this mode of thinking for eternity?

Irish

St. Patrick's day, a day of national pride and of nationhood.
Celebrated worldwide, a festival which brings Irish together everywhere.
Parades of colour and music which shows our traditional roots, ceile dancing and songs in native Irish language too.
However for some of us there is the darker side, the side which makes us not want to partake in the celebrations. The side induced by alcohol.
Drinking has for centuries been an Irish tradition a trademark quality of the emerald isle but to our detriment.
I was saddened tonight as they came home clattering around, slurring their words.
the little girl trapped within me wanted to scream and cry but instead I kept it locked inside.
Proud to be irish, proud of my country but I offen wonder why was it snakes that were banish and not drink??

My Everything

Your smile, illuminating,
Your touch, sends shivers down my spine,
Your scent, makes my head spin,
My heart races knowing you are mine.

The touch of your hand,
The twinklie in your eyes,
I want to hold your body close to mine,
Stay with me until the sun sets,
You are my world dont ever forget,

I can hardly find the words to express the inexplicable joy that your love brings.
Our journey across the earth is going to be epic,
Our future is bright as the golden sun.
Silver tears no longer glisten from my blue eyes as you are my happiness in you my dreams i have found.
Thank you for loving and caring and making me laugh, you are an inspiration.
My first and my last,
My everything in life
Respect, love, happiness
Te amo my love

ramblings on nothing

Pin-The YYY's
Maps-The YYY's
Y Control-The YYY's
Phenomena-The YYY's
Cheated Hearts-The YYY's
The Sweets-The YYY's
Hello Tomorrow-The YYY's
Dogs Days-Florence and the Machine
Kiss with a fist-Florence and the machine
Rockabilly-Peggy Sue and the Pirates
Neopolitan Dreams-Lisa Mitchell
Lets Make Out-Does it offend you, yeah?
Epic Last Song-Does it offend you,yeah?
Float On-Modest Mouse
New Romantic-Laura Marling

I was looking for an old c.d the other day (nirvana i think?) and i came across so many c.ds which were gathering dust, just sitting there.
I probably had not listened to any of these mixed c.ds for two years. I listened to a few tracks and realised why i hadnt listened to them in so long, they were possibly the sadest mixed tapes i had ever been given, and they used to be the soundtrack to my life, no wonder i wasnt the happiest of people!!
I did however come across c.ds which had been given to me in good times from friends, happy songs, good music, a little brighter than the others, like the one above, called 'more randomness'.
Shocking how a c.d can tell a story, of how you were feeling on the day it was made or how bad or good you were feeling the week you recieved and listened to it? shocking to look back and see how one c.d almost sent you to the very edge of life itself and how another brought you back.

Jessica

Words which would have once scared me, love, marriage, forever,
Are now part of my everyday train of thought,
They inspire my mind, my heart, my soul,
To keep going on this road that we are on,
To keep singing and smiling and breathing.

Suddenly I do not need material things,
I do not need excruciating pain to feel,
Tears do not need to fall to prove I'm here,
Knowing you are under the same sky as me,
It fills my heart with immeasurable glee.

Thank you darling for reviving me,
For showing me how good life can be,
Be mine forever and a day,
Run into my open arms J and promise to always stay,
You are my inspiration, my everything, you are all I need.

Te amo!

An Chead Drama le Seán Ó Coisdealbha

Chum Dia dráma ‘gleann na ndeor’
Agus thug sé páirt ann do go leor
Dráma fada ar stáitse mór
An Domhan.

Sé Dia a chum an tragóid staire
Agus rinne sé leideoir den bhuachaill báire
Táim cinnte glan go mbíonn sé ag gáire
Faoin aisteoireacht.

Chum sé dráma le milliúin radharc
Agus rinne sé leideoir d’fhear na n-adharc
ar chúl an chuirtín as ár radharc.
Na héisteoirí.

Léiríonn sé fhéin a dhráma,
Agus tugann sé na torthaí ag deireadh an áma
Faigheann an leideoir na daoine cama
Ach coinníonn sé fhéin na daoine mánla
Nach aisteach.

Tá mo pháirt sa ar tí a bheith thart
Ach ní raibh na focal ‘am i gceart
Thar fóir sa ngluaiseacht is ó smacht
Ach tá na torthaí fós le theacht
Chaill mé marcannaí

Níl fanta anois ach mír bheag eile
Nó go dtitfidh an cuirtín síos ag Deireadh Fómhair tiocfaidh an dráma ar aghaidh le foireann eile
Agus fágfar mise ag an seoladh Deireadh Fómhair an roilig.

Más uaigní an mhír atá le theacht
Ná an radharc deire a d’imigh thart
Imeoidh mo chiall’s mo mheabhair ó smacht
Agus scoiltfidh an croí in mo lár faoi sheacht
Le uaigneas.

Tiúrfaidh an dochtúr suas a chás
Is fágfar mise ag an mbás

Soundtrack to my week!

daft punk-digital love
sheryl crow-all i wanna do
jet-are you gonna be my girl
paramore-crushcrushcrush
KT tunstall-black horse and the cherry tree
avril lavigne-hot
bjork-human behaviour
shiny toy guns-major tom
ladyhawke-magic
kate nash-mariella
suzanne vega-marelena
suzanne vega-luka
cafe tacuba-eres
ac/dc-thunderstruck
mgmt-kids
david guetta ft akon-sexy bitch
david guetta ft kelly roland-when love takes over
new radicals-mother,we just cant get enough
modest mouse-float on
jess mount-dani

.....

On Saturday I had what can only be described as a turbulent nights sleep.
Full of nightmares and various images which woke me from sleep in quite an alarming fashion. I woke on Sunday morning early and I was in a rather philosophical mood, and dangerously over thinking every little thing. During this period of intense procrastination i recognised a constant something which never alters something which remains stable. Everything else around me changes frequently, the weather, the building, the faces, the voices, the feelings. So many people walk into our lives and then walk out again. We pass through so many places and see how gradually the faces of buildings will change. Each day we wake and our feelings are different to that of the previous day. You, you are the one constant. Always present, always the same, and i always feel the same about you. This love never falters, it seems to be unaffected by the elements, by landscape , by other people.
Once again last night a silence crept over me, unexpectedly. Not a silence of sadness or of sorrow, just a silence. My mind was blank until I lay in bed and began to think. The only thoughts which entered my head were ones of you, of us, of our life.
I want you to know that my silence with you is never a silence of sorrow but a silence of appreciation, of wonderment, of awe that you have walked into my life and turned my world upside down. You have captured my heart and i am yours.
on Sunday when my thoughts could have lead me to sadness your love saw me through, gave me hope, gave me clarity. Your voice in my mind excites my mind, causes my heart to race and provides a reason for life.
You are my life, my heart, my soul, my friend, my everything, without you there is no me J.
Forever is a long time but it is a long time that I want to spend with you.

*lo que mas quiero en este mundo eso eres*

The room is dark I stand still waiting for the music to begin.
There it is, soft at first and then its my turn, the vocals.
I open my mouth and music emerges, swiftly, easily, naturally.
The music builds, the drums begin to beat, the guitar gets more urgent and my voice gets louder.
An inexplicable feeling of excitement, joy and sheer delight fills my entire body!!
In the dark I can hear my voice as it surrounds me, in my mind I can feel the notes brush past my skin, the lyrics sweeping through my hair.
In the dark I can place myself on any stage, any where.
The possibilities are endless, my possibilities are endless!
I place myself in a far land on a brightly lit stage, my band around me are completely in tune with me with each other!
This is where my heart lives, in music!
I continue singing the song reaching its climax, my body moves in synch with the beat of the drums, uncontrollable as the music courses through my veins!

The song ends and the feeling remains, I feel infinite, with my voice I can go anywhere, with a stage I can be anyone, music can consume me.

Panic

Lying there, perfectly still,my heart begins to race,thunderous.The music from my headphones seems to amplify, louder than I can bare trying to drown out my thoughts.

Panic.

I can feel it rising through my body, my breathing becomes uneven.
My body writhing it consumes me a wave of fear, of pain, of anguish.
My back arches, I try desperately to fill my lungs, my head begins to spin, no air.
Stars illuminate the black inside my eyelids,my conscience screams and then nothing, fade to black.

I come around a song later, the fear and panic has fled from my body, the hostile visitor has fled. My heart beats normally once again.
I turn in my bed and hide beneath my covers, fearing the return of the panic, a stain in the calm of my mind.

Poppies in July by Sylvia Plath

Little poppies, little hell flames,
Do you do no harm?

You flicker. I cannot touch you.
I put my hands among the flames. Nothing burns

And it exhausts me to watch you
Flickering like that, wrinkly and clear red, like the skin of a mouth.

A mouth just bloodied.
Little bloody skirts!

There are fumes I cannot touch.
Where are your opiates, your nauseous capsules?

If I could bleed, or sleep! -
If my mouth could marry a hurt like that!

Or your liquors seep to me, in this glass capsule,
Dulling and stilling.

But colorless. Colorless.

You

A gentle kiss,
A soft caress,
Your scent fills my mind,
Wonderment,delight,
You.

I trace your lips,
With my fingertips,
A shiver down my spine,
Our bodies entwined,
Divine.

Exultation, this cosmic love,
the echo of our hearts,
melting into one,

You touch my hand,
I feel it in my heart,
You kiss my lips,
The frenzy starts.

The quickening of pulses,
Sensations extreme,
Your skin upon mine,
Is this really real?

We lie entangled,
In warmth and in love,
We fit so perfectly,
You and I my love.

Together in harmony,
Such a beautiful song we make,
This way in my mind,
Infinite in every way.

Soundtrack to my week!

Cafe Tacuba - Eres
Zoe-Vía lactea
Bjork-Violently happy
Bjork-Human Behavior
Glee-Halo/Walking on sunshine
Interpol-Obstacle 1
Jose Gonzalez-Heartbets
Florence nd the Machine-Howl
Yeah Yeah Yeahs-MAPS
Yeah Yeah Yeahs-cheated herts
Florence and the machine-My Boy Builds Coffins
Jess Mount- Dani
David Geutta ft Akon-Sexy Bitch
Sinead O Connor-Nothing Compares to You
Mundy with Sharon Shannon-Galway Girl
Sia-Breathe Me

Monotony

I stand at the side of my bed as i always do when i am getting dressed. The air is still warm in my bedroom after a night of sleep. I pull off my tracksuit bottoms and the cold air hits me suddenly out of nowhere. I stand for a moment in my hoodie and my underwear with my arms wrapped around my body. I turn,almost in slow motion and pick up the jeans from the bottom of my bed, lying exactly where a threw them last night. I change into them quickly. I rummage through my basket of tee shirts and pull out one which i bought in Mexico. I pull it on over my sleepy head,it fits better than it did last week, all my work at the gym is paying off, success.
I stand on one foot surprised at my ability to balance so early in the morning as i put on two pairs of socks to protect my little feet from the frosty conditions outside. I switch off my bedside light and i am ready to leave my safe haven, my bedroom, which i will soon share with you.
I sweep my coat up off the end of my bed and close the door behind me. my day has officially begun the same way that it always do in a monotonous sequence of monotonous events.
The monotony continues as i wait for my bus, my scarf pulled up around my lips, my ipod playing in my ears, my coat pulled around my tightly.
Finally the bus arrives and i take my seat among the other students who are making their own ways through their very own monotonous process!
on the bus my head is filled with many different thoughts. An airport bus passes and i begin to think about the huge entity which is the airport. In that building we are all in transit. Individually some of us have found our path in life our place to be but for some of us we are in transit, still figuring out our lives. I always love the feeling in an airport of being in transit, having that in common with every other person there, and then i think of you. My heart stands still for just a moment. You are the break in my monotony, you are the thing that makes me different to every single other person on the bus, in the airport, anywhere! Loving you is an experience which changes my day and has changed my life.
As i step off the bus the cold air as before hits me once again. i wander aimlessly for a few minuets dazed slightly by the brightness of the crisp day and by the bitter coldness which originates from the frost all around me. I remind myself to put one foot in front of the other, my head is consumed with thoughts of you.
Today will continue as every Wednesday does, history at ten, a two hour gap, English at 1 and history again at 2, a frantic rush to my bus and then home.
but one thing about Wednesday which changes every week is that my love for a certain person intensifies, becomes stronger everyday. The passing of this monotonous day brings me one day closer to being with you for 5 weeks.
So i will go now and continue my daily routine with you in my heart and in my head.
Never forget how much i love you, keep shining baby, soon we will shine together.
Te Amo.

Silence,
Lonliness,
Desperation,
Losing a friend,

No words,
Tears,
A sudden crack,
A heart breaking.

Pulling a friendship limb from limb, isnt this what you always do, yes it is, and yet you let history repeat itself.
Look around, you can count on one hand your true friends, the friendships you have managed not to destroy.gold star.
Like things eat away you ignore them and now look at the mess you have caused the problems becuase you couldnt open your mouth, silly girl.
Lonliness is not a condition chosen willingly but yet you seek it,unbeknowns to yourself you have acquired this lonlinesss and where will you run now?

Lonliness,
A single tear,

As one under the cover of nature.

In a moment of quiet solitude today I watched as a fog descended upon the countryside.
This silent natural phenomenon rolls without sound over hills, through fields completely consuming everything in nature which crosses its path.
The dusky sun was still glistening, barely through a soft blanket of cloud creating a breathtaking landscape. The shadows of tress against a backdrop of orange and red skies.
I watched in silence as those trees were swallowed unknowingly into the growing fog, houses which were small dots in the distance swallowed also. It moved slowly into my garden and ,my house was swallowed also, I was now in the fog, I had been swallowed.Everything around me is silent and suddenly I can hear the steady sound of a heart beating. It is yours, in the silence, in this secretive fog you are with me, I can feel your presence. I can hear your heart beat in perfect synch with mine and I know that this love is right. We are now one in nature, we have merged. I carry your heart with me, precious cargo.
Natures silence and beauty has given me a powerful insight. It has provided a medium for our love. A love which in the silence becomes something even more unique, even more mystical.
Even though we are so far from each other nature as opened my eyes,I am now aware of your heart beating, the most important sound of all. The beauty of nature has become part of our love.

Eres todo para mi, te amo mi amor

Tá tú an grá mo chroí J, mo síorghrá.

C'est la Vie

The beginning...the middle...the end.
This format is basic and applicable, in some sense to everything we do. Every essay we write, every drawing we do, every song we compose, every little thing which we undertake follows this format.
As humans we strive to have all of these aspects figured out before they happen indtead of living and enjoying the beginning we are planning the middle and when we finally get tot the middle we are often dissappointed becasue often we will have imagined something far more glamorous than waht our realities allow. I think that this is a defence mechanism something we do to try and cheat life, to cheat the fear and cheat the inevitable dissappointments which we are sure to encounter on this journey through a little thing called life.
This week i struggled trying to figure out my next step and to forsee where my middle stage lies. It dawn on me today as a wandered about doing everyday normal things that I dont need to have it all figured out. Already in my twenty years my plans have fallen apart!
In two months time i will celebrate the second anniversary of the day that I made one of the most significant decisions of my life. A decision which saved me from missing out on a middle stage and skipping straight to the end. I rewrote my life in a single moment.
Planning too far ahead can only be detrimental to our happiness it only sets us up for failure, for disappointment. We can draw a rough sketch and do everything in out power to live out or dreams and live according to our plans but i fear that the universe has other ideas. Life is a test and as with any test you can prepare until you feel you have mastered the topic but there will always be a surprise question just like life will always throw you something out of the ordinary.
From now on I shall endeavour to enjoy to the fullest what I have right now, my amazing love, my amazing friends and all of the other fantastic things which make up my life.
One element in my life at this point in time is certain, my heart is strong and fuelled by this love. An inspiration to live in the moment and not panic about all of the tomorrows too much.

Tu es ma vie J, je t'aime.

Nuair ata siad imithe...

I sat today in pensive silence. Listening to the word of god, to the readings, to the gospel and watched as everybody in unison recited prayers. Prayers which are centuries old and in my mind outdated but today those outdated prayers brought people together. We gathered to remember our family members who have passed away. Everybody was gathered in recognition of sadness, of death and collective heartbreak. A strong showing of the fact that grief never disappears because of memories, the things that keep our loved ones in our hearts.

I looked to the sky tonight and I remembered those who are no longer with us, the brightest stars that shine with the most sparkle, a reflection of the people that they represent, this is my way of grieving,if you could call it that, and of remembering with sadness and with joy the amazing people they were on this earth and the sadness which their passing brought.

*Ar dheis De go raibh siad*

Pendant que je dormais.

Pendant que je dormais, je me sentais tes bras autour de moi.
Votre doux souffle sur mon cou et votre cœur doux battre en harmonie parfaite avec la mienne.
Je me suis réveillé ce matin avec bonheur dans l'âme avec la pensée de vous flotter autour de moi et un sens de l'avenir avec vous à mes côtés.

Vous êtes mon bonheur, mon rayon d'espoir, la cause de mon bonheur et ma raison de continuer.
Je t'aime, tu me fais sourire et tu me fais rire, tu es ma muse mon inspiration!

Bientôt nous serons dans la joie bienheureuse, ensemble!

Tu allumes ma vie!

Votre beauté hante mes rêves.

<3 <3 <3

Resolution

Yesterday I was under a cloud,a cloud brought on by thoughts of the past.
Finding letters, drawings, unmentionable things which evoke pain and bad thoughts!
Then you shone into my life through a small screen and made my darkness scurry away and healed the pain.

I ripped up pages and feelings with them and disposed of ghosts from the past.
Today I breathe a sigh of relief and look into the future with you by my side
With happy feelings and anticipation of the times we are going to share
The music we will make, the art we will create and the smiles and laughter too.

*Two hearts one soul, one need to be together.
Never let this feeling fade, never let the darkness invade.
This happiness is ours to share.*

Thoughts of Past in the Present..

You can push things as far back into your mind as you can in an attempt to erase them from your thoughts. However there are memories made in the past that never fade, stories engraved in your mind, scars on your skin.
Ignoring the feelings until they die is the easy part as their demise is inevitable but what do you do with the memories? The nightmares? The dreaded thoughts of what was once your reality? How do you abort those from your mind? Can you ever really get rid of these things?
In my opinion we hold on to all of the horrific things in our lives in the hope that at some point we will learn from these past experiences and grow. Many of us do use the past as a stepping stone into the future.Throughout this process, however, of digging up the past and using our mistakes as learning tools we evoke memories,usually the darkest ones, the most horrific. The looks of disappointment, the pain, the sheer agony of things which once consumed our life.
Do we hold onto all of these things as a reminder that once things were at the lowest point? That now in happiness these things are the worst fear? I think so, we thrive on the fact that now in happiness we can breathe a sigh of relief that that horrific period of life is over that only memories remain, dreams and nightmares.
Memories can be supressed somewhat and nightmares and dreams can be forgotten.

inner conflict

have you ever had one of those days where your whole body feels as though it is just going to explode as a result of conflicting feelings in your heart and your head.
perhaps today the cause of these rather unusual feelings is the severe lack of sleep which has built up steadily over the past week.
feeling as though you could just fly as high as you can imagine while at the same time bursting into song but also just wanting to curl up in bed and just lie there enjoying the silence.
happiness, hilarity, exhaustion, weariness, sadness, delight!
whether to laugh or cry or have a serious dicussion, damn.
so many feelings all in one space...

Soundtrack of the week

violently happy - bjork
ride a white horse - goldfrapp
poupee de cire poupee de son - arcade fire
obstacle 1 - interpol
moon and moon - bat for lashes
breathe me - sia
brick by boring brick - paramore
cosmic love - florence and the machine
toxicity - system of a down
my boy builds coffins - florence and the machine
daniel - bat for lashes
dani - jess mount
ignorance - paramore
chasing cars - natasha bedingfield
nothing else matters - metallica
hurricane drunk - florence and the machine
house of cards - radiohead
howl - florence and the machine
her portrait in black - atreyu
crushcrushcrush - paramore
dog days are over - florence and the machine

The Love

So this is what it feel like this blissful thing called love?
The magic of myths of fairy tales, human kind's desire?

The often unattainable and sometimes hard to find,
Has landed here before me and taken me by the hand.

She whispers softly and leads me to her heart,
A place of warmth and promise, of happier times to come.

I have fallen on my feet and found my earthly muse.
One of beauty, talent and intellegence, the person from my dreams!

I sit in quiet day dreams thinking of her touch,
Of when we can be together again and share our lives in full.