The room is dark I stand still waiting for the music to begin.
There it is, soft at first and then its my turn, the vocals.
I open my mouth and music emerges, swiftly, easily, naturally.
The music builds, the drums begin to beat, the guitar gets more urgent and my voice gets louder.
An inexplicable feeling of excitement, joy and sheer delight fills my entire body!!
In the dark I can hear my voice as it surrounds me, in my mind I can feel the notes brush past my skin, the lyrics sweeping through my hair.
In the dark I can place myself on any stage, any where.
The possibilities are endless, my possibilities are endless!
I place myself in a far land on a brightly lit stage, my band around me are completely in tune with me with each other!
This is where my heart lives, in music!
I continue singing the song reaching its climax, my body moves in synch with the beat of the drums, uncontrollable as the music courses through my veins!

The song ends and the feeling remains, I feel infinite, with my voice I can go anywhere, with a stage I can be anyone, music can consume me.

Panic

Lying there, perfectly still,my heart begins to race,thunderous.The music from my headphones seems to amplify, louder than I can bare trying to drown out my thoughts.

Panic.

I can feel it rising through my body, my breathing becomes uneven.
My body writhing it consumes me a wave of fear, of pain, of anguish.
My back arches, I try desperately to fill my lungs, my head begins to spin, no air.
Stars illuminate the black inside my eyelids,my conscience screams and then nothing, fade to black.

I come around a song later, the fear and panic has fled from my body, the hostile visitor has fled. My heart beats normally once again.
I turn in my bed and hide beneath my covers, fearing the return of the panic, a stain in the calm of my mind.

Poppies in July by Sylvia Plath

Little poppies, little hell flames,
Do you do no harm?

You flicker. I cannot touch you.
I put my hands among the flames. Nothing burns

And it exhausts me to watch you
Flickering like that, wrinkly and clear red, like the skin of a mouth.

A mouth just bloodied.
Little bloody skirts!

There are fumes I cannot touch.
Where are your opiates, your nauseous capsules?

If I could bleed, or sleep! -
If my mouth could marry a hurt like that!

Or your liquors seep to me, in this glass capsule,
Dulling and stilling.

But colorless. Colorless.

You

A gentle kiss,
A soft caress,
Your scent fills my mind,
Wonderment,delight,
You.

I trace your lips,
With my fingertips,
A shiver down my spine,
Our bodies entwined,
Divine.

Exultation, this cosmic love,
the echo of our hearts,
melting into one,

You touch my hand,
I feel it in my heart,
You kiss my lips,
The frenzy starts.

The quickening of pulses,
Sensations extreme,
Your skin upon mine,
Is this really real?

We lie entangled,
In warmth and in love,
We fit so perfectly,
You and I my love.

Together in harmony,
Such a beautiful song we make,
This way in my mind,
Infinite in every way.

Soundtrack to my week!

Cafe Tacuba - Eres
Zoe-Vía lactea
Bjork-Violently happy
Bjork-Human Behavior
Glee-Halo/Walking on sunshine
Interpol-Obstacle 1
Jose Gonzalez-Heartbets
Florence nd the Machine-Howl
Yeah Yeah Yeahs-MAPS
Yeah Yeah Yeahs-cheated herts
Florence and the machine-My Boy Builds Coffins
Jess Mount- Dani
David Geutta ft Akon-Sexy Bitch
Sinead O Connor-Nothing Compares to You
Mundy with Sharon Shannon-Galway Girl
Sia-Breathe Me

Monotony

I stand at the side of my bed as i always do when i am getting dressed. The air is still warm in my bedroom after a night of sleep. I pull off my tracksuit bottoms and the cold air hits me suddenly out of nowhere. I stand for a moment in my hoodie and my underwear with my arms wrapped around my body. I turn,almost in slow motion and pick up the jeans from the bottom of my bed, lying exactly where a threw them last night. I change into them quickly. I rummage through my basket of tee shirts and pull out one which i bought in Mexico. I pull it on over my sleepy head,it fits better than it did last week, all my work at the gym is paying off, success.
I stand on one foot surprised at my ability to balance so early in the morning as i put on two pairs of socks to protect my little feet from the frosty conditions outside. I switch off my bedside light and i am ready to leave my safe haven, my bedroom, which i will soon share with you.
I sweep my coat up off the end of my bed and close the door behind me. my day has officially begun the same way that it always do in a monotonous sequence of monotonous events.
The monotony continues as i wait for my bus, my scarf pulled up around my lips, my ipod playing in my ears, my coat pulled around my tightly.
Finally the bus arrives and i take my seat among the other students who are making their own ways through their very own monotonous process!
on the bus my head is filled with many different thoughts. An airport bus passes and i begin to think about the huge entity which is the airport. In that building we are all in transit. Individually some of us have found our path in life our place to be but for some of us we are in transit, still figuring out our lives. I always love the feeling in an airport of being in transit, having that in common with every other person there, and then i think of you. My heart stands still for just a moment. You are the break in my monotony, you are the thing that makes me different to every single other person on the bus, in the airport, anywhere! Loving you is an experience which changes my day and has changed my life.
As i step off the bus the cold air as before hits me once again. i wander aimlessly for a few minuets dazed slightly by the brightness of the crisp day and by the bitter coldness which originates from the frost all around me. I remind myself to put one foot in front of the other, my head is consumed with thoughts of you.
Today will continue as every Wednesday does, history at ten, a two hour gap, English at 1 and history again at 2, a frantic rush to my bus and then home.
but one thing about Wednesday which changes every week is that my love for a certain person intensifies, becomes stronger everyday. The passing of this monotonous day brings me one day closer to being with you for 5 weeks.
So i will go now and continue my daily routine with you in my heart and in my head.
Never forget how much i love you, keep shining baby, soon we will shine together.
Te Amo.

Silence,
Lonliness,
Desperation,
Losing a friend,

No words,
Tears,
A sudden crack,
A heart breaking.

Pulling a friendship limb from limb, isnt this what you always do, yes it is, and yet you let history repeat itself.
Look around, you can count on one hand your true friends, the friendships you have managed not to destroy.gold star.
Like things eat away you ignore them and now look at the mess you have caused the problems becuase you couldnt open your mouth, silly girl.
Lonliness is not a condition chosen willingly but yet you seek it,unbeknowns to yourself you have acquired this lonlinesss and where will you run now?

Lonliness,
A single tear,

As one under the cover of nature.

In a moment of quiet solitude today I watched as a fog descended upon the countryside.
This silent natural phenomenon rolls without sound over hills, through fields completely consuming everything in nature which crosses its path.
The dusky sun was still glistening, barely through a soft blanket of cloud creating a breathtaking landscape. The shadows of tress against a backdrop of orange and red skies.
I watched in silence as those trees were swallowed unknowingly into the growing fog, houses which were small dots in the distance swallowed also. It moved slowly into my garden and ,my house was swallowed also, I was now in the fog, I had been swallowed.Everything around me is silent and suddenly I can hear the steady sound of a heart beating. It is yours, in the silence, in this secretive fog you are with me, I can feel your presence. I can hear your heart beat in perfect synch with mine and I know that this love is right. We are now one in nature, we have merged. I carry your heart with me, precious cargo.
Natures silence and beauty has given me a powerful insight. It has provided a medium for our love. A love which in the silence becomes something even more unique, even more mystical.
Even though we are so far from each other nature as opened my eyes,I am now aware of your heart beating, the most important sound of all. The beauty of nature has become part of our love.

Eres todo para mi, te amo mi amor

Tá tú an grá mo chroí J, mo síorghrá.