C'est la Vie

The beginning...the middle...the end.
This format is basic and applicable, in some sense to everything we do. Every essay we write, every drawing we do, every song we compose, every little thing which we undertake follows this format.
As humans we strive to have all of these aspects figured out before they happen indtead of living and enjoying the beginning we are planning the middle and when we finally get tot the middle we are often dissappointed becasue often we will have imagined something far more glamorous than waht our realities allow. I think that this is a defence mechanism something we do to try and cheat life, to cheat the fear and cheat the inevitable dissappointments which we are sure to encounter on this journey through a little thing called life.
This week i struggled trying to figure out my next step and to forsee where my middle stage lies. It dawn on me today as a wandered about doing everyday normal things that I dont need to have it all figured out. Already in my twenty years my plans have fallen apart!
In two months time i will celebrate the second anniversary of the day that I made one of the most significant decisions of my life. A decision which saved me from missing out on a middle stage and skipping straight to the end. I rewrote my life in a single moment.
Planning too far ahead can only be detrimental to our happiness it only sets us up for failure, for disappointment. We can draw a rough sketch and do everything in out power to live out or dreams and live according to our plans but i fear that the universe has other ideas. Life is a test and as with any test you can prepare until you feel you have mastered the topic but there will always be a surprise question just like life will always throw you something out of the ordinary.
From now on I shall endeavour to enjoy to the fullest what I have right now, my amazing love, my amazing friends and all of the other fantastic things which make up my life.
One element in my life at this point in time is certain, my heart is strong and fuelled by this love. An inspiration to live in the moment and not panic about all of the tomorrows too much.

Tu es ma vie J, je t'aime.

Nuair ata siad imithe...

I sat today in pensive silence. Listening to the word of god, to the readings, to the gospel and watched as everybody in unison recited prayers. Prayers which are centuries old and in my mind outdated but today those outdated prayers brought people together. We gathered to remember our family members who have passed away. Everybody was gathered in recognition of sadness, of death and collective heartbreak. A strong showing of the fact that grief never disappears because of memories, the things that keep our loved ones in our hearts.

I looked to the sky tonight and I remembered those who are no longer with us, the brightest stars that shine with the most sparkle, a reflection of the people that they represent, this is my way of grieving,if you could call it that, and of remembering with sadness and with joy the amazing people they were on this earth and the sadness which their passing brought.

*Ar dheis De go raibh siad*

Pendant que je dormais.

Pendant que je dormais, je me sentais tes bras autour de moi.
Votre doux souffle sur mon cou et votre cœur doux battre en harmonie parfaite avec la mienne.
Je me suis réveillé ce matin avec bonheur dans l'âme avec la pensée de vous flotter autour de moi et un sens de l'avenir avec vous à mes côtés.

Vous êtes mon bonheur, mon rayon d'espoir, la cause de mon bonheur et ma raison de continuer.
Je t'aime, tu me fais sourire et tu me fais rire, tu es ma muse mon inspiration!

Bientôt nous serons dans la joie bienheureuse, ensemble!

Tu allumes ma vie!

Votre beauté hante mes rêves.

<3 <3 <3

Resolution

Yesterday I was under a cloud,a cloud brought on by thoughts of the past.
Finding letters, drawings, unmentionable things which evoke pain and bad thoughts!
Then you shone into my life through a small screen and made my darkness scurry away and healed the pain.

I ripped up pages and feelings with them and disposed of ghosts from the past.
Today I breathe a sigh of relief and look into the future with you by my side
With happy feelings and anticipation of the times we are going to share
The music we will make, the art we will create and the smiles and laughter too.

*Two hearts one soul, one need to be together.
Never let this feeling fade, never let the darkness invade.
This happiness is ours to share.*

Thoughts of Past in the Present..

You can push things as far back into your mind as you can in an attempt to erase them from your thoughts. However there are memories made in the past that never fade, stories engraved in your mind, scars on your skin.
Ignoring the feelings until they die is the easy part as their demise is inevitable but what do you do with the memories? The nightmares? The dreaded thoughts of what was once your reality? How do you abort those from your mind? Can you ever really get rid of these things?
In my opinion we hold on to all of the horrific things in our lives in the hope that at some point we will learn from these past experiences and grow. Many of us do use the past as a stepping stone into the future.Throughout this process, however, of digging up the past and using our mistakes as learning tools we evoke memories,usually the darkest ones, the most horrific. The looks of disappointment, the pain, the sheer agony of things which once consumed our life.
Do we hold onto all of these things as a reminder that once things were at the lowest point? That now in happiness these things are the worst fear? I think so, we thrive on the fact that now in happiness we can breathe a sigh of relief that that horrific period of life is over that only memories remain, dreams and nightmares.
Memories can be supressed somewhat and nightmares and dreams can be forgotten.

inner conflict

have you ever had one of those days where your whole body feels as though it is just going to explode as a result of conflicting feelings in your heart and your head.
perhaps today the cause of these rather unusual feelings is the severe lack of sleep which has built up steadily over the past week.
feeling as though you could just fly as high as you can imagine while at the same time bursting into song but also just wanting to curl up in bed and just lie there enjoying the silence.
happiness, hilarity, exhaustion, weariness, sadness, delight!
whether to laugh or cry or have a serious dicussion, damn.
so many feelings all in one space...

Soundtrack of the week

violently happy - bjork
ride a white horse - goldfrapp
poupee de cire poupee de son - arcade fire
obstacle 1 - interpol
moon and moon - bat for lashes
breathe me - sia
brick by boring brick - paramore
cosmic love - florence and the machine
toxicity - system of a down
my boy builds coffins - florence and the machine
daniel - bat for lashes
dani - jess mount
ignorance - paramore
chasing cars - natasha bedingfield
nothing else matters - metallica
hurricane drunk - florence and the machine
house of cards - radiohead
howl - florence and the machine
her portrait in black - atreyu
crushcrushcrush - paramore
dog days are over - florence and the machine

The Love

So this is what it feel like this blissful thing called love?
The magic of myths of fairy tales, human kind's desire?

The often unattainable and sometimes hard to find,
Has landed here before me and taken me by the hand.

She whispers softly and leads me to her heart,
A place of warmth and promise, of happier times to come.

I have fallen on my feet and found my earthly muse.
One of beauty, talent and intellegence, the person from my dreams!

I sit in quiet day dreams thinking of her touch,
Of when we can be together again and share our lives in full.